You can’t make up the stuff that Steven Seagal does because he’s just not human. Seagal, action star extraordinaire of the 90s and self-proclaimed badass, accompanied Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s raid on an Arizona man suspected of cock-fighting. That alone is a good enough story to tell already.
But wait, there’s more! The raid was done Seagal-style, so that means a tank was involved. Seagal drove the tank, which doesn’t seem like overkill at all, into Jesus Llovera’s house and killed his puppy. What was Seagal there for in the first place? Animal cruelty. Good call on the tank, at least he gets style points for that.
They didn’t just have a tank either, there were several armored cars, and dozens of sheriff’s deputies in full riot gear. Seagal ended up killing a puppy and hundreds of roosters. He is now being sued by Llovera for $100,000. Llovera is also demanding a written apology from Seagal to his children for murdering the puppy and being an idiot (okay, maybe not the last part).
Mr. Seagal has also accompanied Arpaio’s sheriffs in rounding up some illegal immigrants. I don’t have the details to that story, but I’m guessing Seagal accidentally murdered all of them by throwing 57 grenades in their general area while waving around a katana.